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HomeCyclingMessage In A Bottle – Bike Snob NYC

Message In A Bottle – Bike Snob NYC

We’re solely 5 days into 2023 and already sooner or later…

…is indistinguishable from the subsequent:

A part of the explanation for that is that they’ve all been equally heat, and that’s as a result of we’re all going to die of local weather change in 20 years, or 5, or else 1985 in case you ask that Paul Ehrlich man. (I might not be a scientist, however even I do know that in case you’re going to make a dire prediction, at the very least set it far sufficient sooner or later that no one can name you out on it.) After all, local weather change is a fancy topic, which is why you shouldn’t try to consider it and as an alternative simply give up to the consultants. Nevertheless, it’s additionally essentially easy in that it’s principally brought on by…

…bicycle bells!

What, you didn’t know that bicycle bells are horrible for the setting? It’s true! I noticed it on Kickstarter:

It’s true, once I get uninterested in a bicycle bell I all the time throw it within the ocean.

Happily, there’s an answer, and it includes funding…a barely totally different bicycle bell:

So what’s higher about it? Effectively, it isn’t made out of plastic…UNLIKE HIS EYEGLASSES!

I imply yeah, positive, perhaps the frames of his glasses had been scavenged from the Nice Pacific Rubbish Patch or one thing:

And clearly if the good minds of society don’t right their imaginative and prescient they’ll’t save the planet for us, now can they? Hey, don’t make me play the Hypocrite Get Out Of Jail Free card!

I used to get that loads on Twitter myself for doing stuff like stating the irony of what number of bike advocates personal automobiles, however the individuals who used to tweet it at me have since blocked me, so it’s been awhile.

As for the environmental disaster that’s the bike bell, how dangerous is it? Actually dangerous–at the very least based on the video. It’s like taking 10 million plastic bottles…

…and dumping them within the ocean!

Want some context for that? Let’s ask the Guardian, since plastic bottles looks as if the type of factor they’d be apprehensive about:

[China’s using a lot of the bottles, but that’s our fault, apparently.]

So, in different phrases, all of the bicycle bells that wind up within the ocean are equal to love 10 minutes of bottle manufacturing.


Moreover, whereas it will be unattainable to depend the variety of bicycle bells on the earth, the estimate you discover most on the Web for the entire variety of bicycles is one billion. So even when each bicycle on Earth has a bicycle bell on it (which it doesn’t, though children love bike bells and sometimes have like three, so it most likely balances out) in the long run, then the variety of bicycle bells on the market which may doubtlessly find yourself within the ocean might be equal to about 16 hours of plastic bottle manufacturing.

Huge fucking deal.

Now, I now what you’re pondering. “Bells schmells! Somebody ought to design some type of reusable water bottle! That may clear up the Earth’s drawback!” And having simply thought that, it’s now occurring to you that there are already a few zillion totally different reusable water bottles available on the market, produced from all kinds of supplies, and it’s a market that continues to develop…due at the very least partly to client guilt:

Sadly for the guilt-ridden client, the Earth doesn’t know or care whether or not a bottle is “reusable” or not–it’s a wholly human assemble. Moreover, clearly they’re not decreasing the world’s insatiable demand for drinks in plastic bottles, and because the Guardian article notes, even the plastic water bottles we throw method are “extremely recyclable,” even when we don’t trouble. And naturally, as anybody with children is aware of, there’s just one factor they love greater than having a number of bicycle bells, and it’s having reusable water bottles with enjoyable designs on them. Alas, most of those water bottles suck ass, and have silly pop-tops that ultimately fail, and also you simply find yourself throwing them away too. As for the adults who purchase them to save lots of the planet, they only neglect them within the cupholders of their automobiles with environmentally-themed bumper stickers, or go away them on the yoga studio, so ultimately these additionally meet the identical destiny. So in essence you might have an ever-increasing variety of plastic bottles, which in flip spurs demand for bottles produced from different issues. Clearly bottles beget bottles, and except everybody on the planet begins ingesting from coconuts or all of us begin ingesting our personal physique fluids it’s by no means gonna finish:

All of it is a roundabout method of claiming who provides a shit in regards to the silly bells?

However that’s all advertising. How’s the bell? It’s…nice I assume?

Seems nifty, in case you’re into that. Not as good as the opposite all-metal bells on the market, which explains why they got here up with the entire ocean factor. Sounds somewhat cowbell-y too, however you possibly can mount it within the shifter place, which I all the time like in a bell.

That method you possibly can simply ring your bell whereas reaching on your..PLASTIC WATER BOTTLE!

Smugness is a sport no one can win.



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